The Boardroom Isn’t Always the Hardest Battle. Sometimes It’s the Battle Within

There is one repeated pattern I have noticed after coaching hundreds of senior leaders.

Many women leaders I have worked with have scaled to the top positions due to their extraordinary competence, their profound ability to deliver and solve complex problems and because they are dependable. Contrary the general belief that they are where they are because of networking, visibility, or politics.

Still the reception in the boardroom is not as it should be:

• Their competence is doubted instead of receiving applauses
• Their ideas are questioned and interrupted rather than deserving an exploration.
• They have to prove their worth over an over again as they are mostly treated as unequal.

Many young women leaders are highly capable like their male counterparts; the real deterrent to their growth is the invisible dynamics that exist in senior leadership.

The Invisible Boardroom Battle

Many boardrooms are still dominated by strong personalities—leaders who are confident, assertive, and sometimes highly territorial. When a young, capable woman begins to gain influence, it can unintentionally trigger insecurity in others. That insecurity doesn’t always appear openly. Even today many boardrooms are dominated by strong personalities, full of confidence, assertive, and sometimes highly territorial. And when a women leader takes entry in such a scenario, it may trigger an unintended sense of insecurity, which may not be openly apparent but,

It often shows up as:

• Constant challenging the decisions that would otherwise ignored.
• Frequent interruptions when they are speaking in meetings.
• Dismissing ideas without even paying attention.
• Questioning their decisions in public.
• Covert attempts to question their credibility.
• Political behaviour designed to reduce influence and impact their branding.

As a result of such an experience, many women leaders often tell me,

 “I feel like I have to prove myself every single day.”

Thus,

• They enter the meeting in an anxious state.
• They are in constant overthinking mode; replaying the meeting hours after it’s over; wondering if they said anything wrong.
• They are constantly judged which makes them emotionally drained.

The irony is that this emotional burden often consumes more energy than the work itself.

The First Question I Ask

When they come to me, leaders generally have their focus on learning communication techniques.

• How to answer difficult questions.
• How to become more assertive.
• How to handle interruptions.
• How to influence senior stakeholders.

As leaders these skills are definitely significant. But we seldom start from there. Because techniques emanating from fear response rarely create executive presence.

Instead, my questions to them are : How is your own energy?

Great Leaders Are Energy Managers

One belief has fundamentally shaped my coaching philosophy: Great leaders are energy managers before they are communication experts.

Your energy is the governing factor behind every interaction in a boardroom. You receive response as per your own emotional state. Not just as per your words. If your are anxious, fearful, unsure or desperate to prove yourself, that get easily transmitted in the way you communicate.

Your voice changes.

Your breathing changes.

Your thinking narrows.

You either become defensive, overly cautious, excessively agreeable, or overly aggressive. Leading to an unwanted shift from doing business to protecting your identity.

Thus, your own ‘inner state’ management become the priority for leadership competencies.

Step One: Become Aware of Your Emotional Energy

It is easy for most professionals to be able to state the events of the day, but most miss out to describe how they felt. They don’t even realize that the emotions matter more than what happened.

Hence, I encourage the leaders to maintain a daily reflection journal. No, not a diary; an ‘emotional awareness’ journal.

You may consider asking yourself three questions every evening,:

What emotions did I experience today?

Be specific.

Was it anxiety?

Frustration?

Embarrassment?

Anger?

Disappointment?

Self-doubt?

Relief?

Confidence?

Simply naming the emotion is powerful.

As psychologist Dan Siegel beautifully says:

“Name it to tame it.”

Research suggests that accurately labeling emotions reduces the intensity of the emotions.In this process brain’s prefrontal regions are engaged, making it more thoughtful and rational activity rather than react impulsively.

Next, ask:

What triggered this emotion?

Was it an interruption?

A sarcastic comment?

Someone questioning your expertise?

Being ignored?

Or was it something deeper—a fear of not being good enough?

Finally, ask:

Which inner saboteur showed up?

This is where the Positive Intelligence framework becomes transformational.

Perhaps it was:

• The Judge, criticizing yourself or others.
• The Hyper-Achiever, believing your worth depends on constant success.
• The Hyper-Vigilant, expecting something to go wrong.
• The Avoider, staying silent to escape conflict.
• The Hyper-Rational, disconnecting from emotions entirely.
• Or another saboteur quietly influencing your behaviour.

A significant shift takes place when the leaders start noticing their internal behaviour. They become observers of their thoughts and thus stop believing every thought that crosses their mind. This Awareness creates choice and this choice creates freedom.

Step Two: Build Mental Fitness Before Building Leadership Skills

Once leaders become aware of their emotional patterns, the next step is build their mental fitness. You may like to consider thinking about this in this way. Our bodies cannot become stronger if we do not exercise regularly. Similar to our bodies , our minds too can’t perform under pressure without training. Mental fitness is the ability to return to a calm, focused, and resourceful state even when external circumstances are difficult. One can become mentally fit by adopting some small but significant mindful practices.

There is a common misconception that you are mentally fit if you can control your mind, but rather it is about interrupting automatic stress responses. When we are emotionally triggered due to criticism or unfair treatment the brain’s threat system becomes active, which can lead to an increase in the cortisol, the stress hormone. This further reduces our focus on danger.

So, how can we manage such triggers?

‘Mindfulness’ is the key. Simple mindful activities like focusing on the incoming and outgoing breath, or engrossing yourself in sounds, touch or any of the five senses for just a few seconds can help you shift from threat mode to present moment, which would calm you and the results can be substantially different. A continuous practice of such mindful activities can help you respond to a situation with greater clarity rather than react to it.

Sometimes I ask leaders to spend just two minutes noticing:

• The sensation of their feet touching the floor.
• The rhythm of their breathing.
• The sounds around them.
• The texture of an object in their hand.
• The temperature of the air on their skin.

This may sound way too simple, but that is a misconception that simple can’t be successful. These little mindful practices can be the answer to stress, anxiety, the continuous juggling between past and future, which are the real culprits.

A grounded leader communicates very differently from an emotionally hijacked one.

Executive Presence Is an Inside-Out Process

Many leadership programmes focus almost entirely on external skills.

How to speak.

How to influence.

How to negotiate.

How to present.

These are important. But executive presence isn’t something you perform. It is something you project. And what you project is always influenced by what you carry inside. This is why my work follows an inside-out approach. In the Positive Intelligence Bootcamp, leaders learn to strengthen their mental fitness, recognise their saboteurs, and develop habits that help them manage their own energy consistently. To work on this “inside”, I have the Positive Intelligence bootcamp as part of my Executive coaching programme. Here leaders learn to identify their saboteurs, develop habits which help them to consistently live in a high energy state. As a mentally fit leader will have a sustainable growth. In one-on-one executive coaching, we then continue to build on that foundation. We work on executive presence, stakeholder management, strategic communication, handling difficult boardroom conversations, influencing senior leaders, and learning how to shift not only your own energy but also the energy of the people around you.

Because leadership is never just about managing conversations. It is about managing emotional climates.

A Final Thought

To every woman leader reading this:

You do not have to spend your career proving your worth.

Your competence brought you to the table.

Your presence will determine the impact you create once you’re there.

The boardroom may not change overnight. Bias may still exist. Politics may still exist. Difficult personalities may still exist. But when you learn to manage your own energy before managing the room, something powerful happens.

You stop reacting.

You start leading.

And that is where executive presence truly begins.